Faith is taking a stab in the dark
Reflection by Fr. Maximilian Buonocore, OSB
"If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark." (St. John of the Cross) Faith, I believe, is the ability to navigate through the darkness of mystery. As St. John of the Cross makes clear in his mystical works, the light of God is dark to our soul in its present state in our earthly life. His light is always there ready to prompt our hearts in the right direction on the spiritual journey to God, but we do not - at least not most of the time - experience divine light in the same way that we experience created light, that is, as an energy that stimulates the clear vision, not only of the path that we must follow to arrive at the object that we are pursuing, but also of the object itself that we are pursuing. This is not how the divine light in us works. The stimulus action occurs at a deeper place within us and its action is most of the time imperceptible and mysterious. I would like to offer an example of how this manifests itself. I have a student who has declared that he does not believe in God. One day, however, I got word that a young man, whom I was preparing, along with his fiance, for marriage, which was planned to take place in about 9 months, was in the hospital in critical condition because of COVID-19. I asked my students to pray for him. The student who doesn’t believe in God spoke up and said, “Fr. Max, I don’t believe in God, but I will pray for your friend just in case.” This sounds rather ironic. But I would say that this is actually a sign of divine light working mysteriously within that boy. He was willing to take a stab in the dark. I think that the first movements of faith are usually like taking a stab in the dark, like navigating through darkness, through the dark and often stormy seas of adversity and hardship toward the unknown. Although we cannot perceive it, the divine presence, the divine light, is always there with its mysterious impulse goading us toward the good, toward himself. It is like the star which, from afar, beckons, allures the Magi to venture through the unknown - to journey through darkness and rough ways toward a place unknown, in search of an unknown king. It is the distant light that helps us to navigate through spiritual darkness.
But navigating through spiritual darkness does not mean that we are free to ignore or disengage with the world around us. No, in fact, the very action of navigating the spiritual darkness will heighten our sensitivity to what is going on around us, especially our awareness of the needs of those around us who are suffering and in want. As a little example: Because of my OCD I can get very worked up when the students drop scraps of paper or other items on the floor. One day as I was walking toward the back of the class to help a student, I noticed scraps of paper and some food crumbs that had been dropped by students on the floor. I stopped and, with a tone of annoyance, said, “It really annoys me when I look and see all these scraps of paper food crumbs, and other items strewn about on the floor.” One of the students spoke up and said, “Fr. Max, just don’t look at it and then you won’t get annoyed.” What he said actually characterizes a defensive position that I am strongly tempted to take with regard to problems, issues and sinfulness in and around me. I am strongly tempted to just ignore them. But if I am being truly prayerful and truly spiritual, I will not only not be ignoring them, but my awareness of them will be even more heightened. The difference is that, if I am experienced at navigating the darkness of mystery spiritually, I will be able to engage more effectively, with more positive effect, responding with patience and compassion, as I navigate through the darkness of ignorance and sin in the challenging situations of daily life.
All for Jesus,
Fr. Max
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